As of Yesterday i found out some pretty glummy News. One thing i really want to know is, Is This True?! Im left wondering.. He told me nothing did but you've been talking since last may.. Did he just seem to forget what all that was in store for us?
More like he let go, he didn't want to be anywhere around me. Nothing to do with me. Went i went to portland for the week study at ohsu, i felt it there. I felt this tension. He wasn't the same. He tells me he wants "friends", but does he not get that, it is not okay to act single when you're not? Its a relationship breaker not to tell a girl your in a relationship! To me it's Cheating, to him its nothing. "shes nothing"
But Now that im really taking a step back and really soaking in all this, I realise.. Why wait for him? He tells me just wait... just wait.... Is you telling me wait, also telling me your still with her? Shes to young and immature, Streading lies like a high school Yuppie. Im sick of waiting! im sick of hearing all this and seeing it all go down around me! If you both cant be the bigger person and tell the truth then im walking away. Im not going to sit around waiting for something that may never happen. Not worth my time.
This isnt you, this isnt the guy i met awkwardly. It all comes down to you and her telling the truth. I am always on his side but this time i have a suspition. Her asking for my number but then never calling or caring to message. Its Cruel and Pathetic. Im done waiting to hear from you! im coming to you better yet. where do you work? -.- ehh whatever
Im tired of fighting for the one i love when in reality he probably just keeps me around for the fuck and the physical part. No emotional part whatsoever. I think its time to start a new adventure. But where?
California? Arizona? florida? for christ sakes Mexico!? I need out of this Hell hole of a town they call Bend. There is no more Butterflies theres no more Kissing un controlably. Theres nothing, but me and my mind. Im only 18, Life goes on... BUT SERIOUSLY!? I Wish i could go back 2 years just to confront her and show her whos really the right one here, but what does that accomplish? absoulutly nothing.
I want to delete all the pictures and rip up all the memories we made but its not going to prove anything its only going to make me hurt more. I just need to move on, literally move on. Get over this stupid High School BullShit Drama. Im DONE. Im done hearing about your girls, im done with hearing about kristina or jade or natalie. My life isnt sweet like cinnamon, its a bitter pill i swallowed that just wouldnt go down. No fucking dream im living in But the point is that i cant just sit and boil over with ideas and thoughts of you two together and where does he go when he leaves here. or his breaks? Im done wasting my time worrying.
Theres a point in everyones life in which they give up. Im there.
Will you still love me later on? Will you come back? Will there be a second chance? well in this case the third chance. my mind flutters with all the beautiful memories and the unforgetable changes, I just want to scream in pain but i feel ill only make myself crazy. I want you and still want you but this is just the Darkest cloud ive seen in ages. Forget the promises, Forget everything, forget you.
Dont Kiss hard before you go. Im over it.
I Love You Babe, Forever and Ever.....Not.
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